Reading Rage Tuesday: Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

24 July 2012 by 78 Comments

Sorry for the profanity. Except I’m not really.

Fucking A, you guys. It’s been a hell of a week for just about everyone on the planet. I don’t know if there’s something in the water, or what, but it seems like crazy not only came out of the woodwork, it blew the woodwork right off the walls.

I feel bad bitching about anything right now, because of the tragedy in Colorado, not to mention all of the other tragedy everywhere else in the world. My woes are peanuts compared to the hell those people have gone through. I have angst this week, though. I can’t help it. I’m in the kind of mood where I would just love to fucking fight someone . . . . in theory. Because in reality? I’ve never been in a fight and I would probably cry if someone hit me. Then I would play dead and hope that they would quickly get bored kicking me in the ribs.


THIS is what came up when I searched “boxing” on Flickr. WHY DO YOU HATE ME FLICKR

So, I’m going to do a good old-fashioned rant. I’m not sure what it’s going to end up being about. I considered going ahead with my original plan–writing about the books vs. ebooks controversy–but I don’t want to write about something like that when I’m in a mood. I won’t treat it fairly and it’ll probably put bad feelings about book blogging in my brain; between STGRB and this ridiculous and utterly creeptastic Carroll Bryant situation, I don’t want to accumulate any more bad book blogging feelings.

This might end up being completely incoherent, and I’m okay with that.


Judgmental assholes that make the rest of us look bad.

If you’re a reader at all, you have had to put up with this shit at some point. Someone, somewhere down the line has looked at you reading a book and thought, well, doesn’t he or she just look all fancy with his or her fancy book-learnin’ and shit (except they probably used “they” and “their” because they eschew book learnin’). The more stuck-up picky discerning you are about what you read, the more you have to deal with this. Some of us, we’re only picky because, well, it’s just our taste. It’s not that we want to be exclusive; it’s more that the thought of reading a book like Fifty Shades makes us want to gouge out our eyeballs with power drills. It’s not meant to be a statement about the State of Today’s Literature (see also, those damn kids with their X-Boxes and their crack cocaine), it’s just us reading what we like.

There’s another type of reader, though, who is picky for an entirely different reason: somewhere along the way, they have decided that what a person likes determines his or her worth as a person. These people are ruining it for everyone. When challenged, they have to whip out their e-peens (or I guess maybe their e-readers–wait, no, it would never be an e-reader) to prove that they’re the biggest and the baddest reader ever and that you’re clearly a schmuck for daring to poison their wells of literary magnificence with any talk of popular fiction. They have to look down their noses at you to make sure you feel like you’re two inches tall for having the audacity to enjoy something or to do anything that doesn’t involve sitting in a cafe and trying to look important while reading Finnegans Wake. I hate it when people do this, because at the end of the day, we all have tastes that are less-than-caviar, you know what I mean?

Take me, for example. I may not slum it too often in the book world, but you know what?


There. I said it.

You know what else? Snooki is my favorite. FAVORITE.

I don’t publicize this much because of the amount of pure shit I would have to put up with for telling people that I like the show. Mainly I just cry a little to myself every time this pops up on Facebook:

To be fair, I probably shared this on IB’s wall at some point before I marathoned three seasons of the show in a week.

(Please don’t make too much fun of my love of JS. Don’t take away the childlike joy I feel when Pauly D yells “CABS ARE HERE!”)

Writer’s block.

So, I’m stuck on this rant. Fucking stuck. I was so mad earlier, and then I kind of lost my focus; I’m still totally mad but I can’t think of anything to write. I’ve passed the point of productive rage and have entered the zone where my head feels like it’s full of bees.

Apparently Conan is responsible for this. All I know is that I may have shat myself giggling.

Still, I must forge on!

My mailman can’t deliver my books properly, forcing me to go not once but twice to the post office this week.

So, this may only be tangentially about books. STILL ABOUT BOOKS.

The awesome folks at Two Dollar Radio, who basically are down the street from me, mailed me an ARC of How to Get Into the Twin Palms for my reviewy perusal. Now, I suppose I should actually be grateful that the mailman failed to deliver my book, leaving me the peach slip of drive-to-the-post-office-doom in my decrepit mailbox; when he delivered Dora: A headcase, he crushed the book into the box. He permanently scarred my book through his negligent book delivery. (He also crams in things like greeting cards–because, you know, I love it when I get cards and they look like this:


It makes my life.)

I hate getting the peach slip because I hate going to the post office. Well, I hate going to that post office. The one that I choose to go to when I have to send something is nice and it has a self-service kiosk that everyone else seems to be afraid of, which means it’s almost always available for my shipping needs. The other post office is located in the hood, because I live in the hood. The following things happen to me without fail when I go to this post office:

There is always a ridiculous line.

Someone always cuts in front of me in line.

There is always a person taking for-fucking-ever at the window when I get in.

When I leave, someone loitering in the parking lot always, always asks me for money. Always.

And because I got another peach slip while I was at the theater being perplexed by The Dark Knight Rises, I get to go again tomorrow. (Update: I wrote this last night, and my hubs just handed me another peach slip when he came in. Luckily, it’s for the book I picked up yesterday and won’t necessitate another trip to the P.O.)

Here’s what really sticks in my craw about it. I get that they don’t want to leave parcels on our porch. We live in the hood, like I said. Pizza delivery people won’t even deliver on the next block over because people run out of the park and mug them at night. Someone got shot a year ago half a block away from where I live. It’s not the most safe. Thing is, we have a screen door, which is where the postman will usually drop parcels that are too big for the mailbox but small enough to be concealed there. I almost tripped over a tiny box he shoved in there the other day; if I hadn’t seen it, I probably would have cracked my head on something and totally died (I might be a little clumsy). Books? Exactly the right shape and size to hide behind our screen door most of the time. They’re (usually) slim and compact; that space between the door and the screen door was practically invented to hide books.

So why does our postman always deliver them like a jerk? I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THIS.

This rant is over because it’s time for a stiff drink or five.

Usually, I end these sorts of posts with a range of discussion comments. Today, though, I’m making it FREE RANT DAY. Rant about whatever the hell you want* in the comments and we will commiserate. It’s been a shit time for so many people and we need to get this out of our system. So tell me what’s been bugging you lately. I’ll listen.

*Whatever the hell you want as long as it’s not hateful toward people here, or groups of people (did you know that when my banned book post got freshly pressed, there were actually anti-Jew rants in the comments? For really real. You can go skim them; I left them up but they’re, erm… slightly modified, shall we say? Some of these comments were cray cray to a previously undiscovered power).


Susie is the Bitch-in-Chief at IB and is also a contributor at Book Riot. She's an ice cream connoisseur, an art fanatic, a cat-mommy of three, and a wife. She runs the @thebooksluts Twitter account and may be slightly addicted.

78 thoughts on “Reading Rage Tuesday: Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

  1. UGH with the mail thing! Our mailman doesn’t even effing knock (cos really, when am I not home?) and will just leave things on the porch or a SORRY WE MISSED YOU! notice. YOU DIDN’T MISS ANYTHING BECAUSE I WAS HERE THE WHOLE TIME!!!

    I have Reader’s Block right now. I can’t find anything that I’m interested in reading. I haven’t read the LotR chapters I’m supposed to talk about tomorrow, I HATE the other book I’m reading that I thought I would love and I don’t even want to be on the internet right now.

    I was trying to upload a playlist for a friend but dropbox and box are telling me there’s something wrong, but won’t say what it is, so I don’t know if it’s ME OR THEM.

    And, um…I don’t know. I’ve been really depressed about the grb and the other situation you mentioned above. I kind of want to smack everyone.

    • I KNOW RIGHT? When am I not home? Oh that one time this month I went to a movie. I was TOTALLY HOME the other time.


      Edit: Also, the “i” key on my keyboard keeps missing. I’m hitting it, it’s just not always showing up. GRR!

      • Also, I like Big Brother. There, I said it. I look forward to it every summer because I can turn my brain off and jeer stupid decisions.

        Further rantiness: I seem to have scratched my eyeball somehow in my sleep so it won’t stop watering and hurts when I blink.

        AND I can’t seem to get my husband’s white shirt clean, so I’m using bleach on it (I never use bleach because we don’t have many white things) and even though I read the instructions twelve times, I’m terrified it will have holes in it when it comes out.

        AND, just in case I wasn’t clear before, I really really don’t like this other book I’m reading. There was one sentence that was OVER A PAGE LONG WITH TWELVE COMMAS! WTF is that?! Ugh.

        I need a thirty hour nap at this point.

  2. I agree with the part about Reading Snobs SO VERY MUCH. Just yesterday I ran into an article written by an author who was just “so jaded” and couldn’t stand to read books at all anymore because everything out there was “already done”. Can you imagine that? Never reading again? No more afternoons lost in the pages of a good book? WTF? Did you ever even like books? Because I can’t imagine someone who genuinely loves books ever doing that. And then of course there was that person who was like “IF I SEE ANYONE ABOVE THE AGE OF 13 READING A YA NOVEL, I SHALL SPIT UPON THEM!”, particularly Hunger Games. It’s like…dude. Shut up. There are enough societal things in place to make sure I feel like a bad person for reading. (especially at my age) Don’t add anymore, kthx? Additionally: I’m over the age of 13. Actually, I’m over the age of 21. Which means I’m an adult. WHICH MEANS I WILL READ WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT, WHENEVER THE FUCK I WANT. If you don’t like it–TOO FUCKING BAD.

    Also, I have never watched Jersey Shore. I honestly don’t know what all the fuss is about. If you like JS, go for it. People just like to hate things. But I don’t care; you shouldn’t either. My mom watches Jerseylicious and is still an intelligent human being. (Granted, I feel the urge to run away from the TV every time she DOES watch it, but this is my issue, not hers) I do think that book suicide picture is pretty funny though, because some of the people I know who do like JS are pretty fucking stupid, and they’re the kind of people who would say the phrase: “Oh, I don’t READ”, as if it’s some sort of dirty, horrible thing. Then they would giggle. And then I have to spend the next few minutes imagining myself leaping upon them like a rabid tiger and mauling them. Repeatedly. Because that tone of voice, followed by that proclamation, followed by that giggle just…GETS to a person. Rawr.

    Also, I keep finding crickets in my room. GIANT crickets. I don’t like it. It’s creepy. They’re here to chew on all of my clothes, I just know it. GO AWAY, CRICKETS. NO ONE LOVES OR WANTS YOU. Well, unless they’re a lizard. Then they might be excited.

    OK, I’m done. That felt great, thanks. :D

    • I started watching Jersey Shore because I expected it to be a train wreck, and then I’d laugh at them. But then I was like, aw! THESE ARE REAL PEOPLE! They’re not the people I would hang out with, but it was a little more than just “heyyyy let’s get drunk!” (even though there was plenty of that). I got sucked in.

      Aw, crickets! We’re having a little bit of an insect problem in our kitchen. I’m 100% sure it’s coming from next door because we’ve never had these insects before and we’re even cleaner than we used to be back when I was in my mid-20’s and my husband was, well, a stereotypical male. Which, he still is male. But he’s better about helping me with some housework, when we actually do the housework.

      • Cool! I’m not even sure what channel JS is on where I live. Thanks to YouTube, Netflix, and, I literally never watch television anymore. I don’t even know what the channels are numbered. Maybe I’ll try it out on Netflix sometime. XD /spoiled

        I actually have no problem with crickets as long as they are not in my living/sleeping space. Also, I sew, so I have a lot of delicate fabrics which I am sure they are here to chew on. They’re probably cricket delicacies, or something. I know where they’re coming from, since my room is right next to the garage and this house is FULL OF HOLES because the people who remodeled it were idiots. I want them to go about their cricket-y ways. Also, the crickets in TN are FUCKING HUGE. I’m pretty sure some of the bigger ones I’ve seen could get into a fight with a gerbil and maybe have a chance of winning.

    • Hmm… I would just like to say as a way-over-21, former U.S. Marine, if some douche canoe spits on me for reading YA, I will probably kick him in his fucking pretentious nuts. And then beat him with my copy of the latest Mythos Academy book. Because I don’t have to read Faulkner all the time if I don’t want to.

      Actually, I’ll probably kick him in the nuts and then pour my macchiato on him because I’m afraid that I’ll break my Kindle if I beat him with it.

  3. This was really just the oddest past couple of weeks ever ever ever. Agreed.

    Shootings and people I know died in a random car-crash and there’s family drama and then also? BAM AMY YOU’RE FIRED.

    I’m ready for some normalcy. Absolutely.

    (Oprah + bees made me laugh SO HARD.)

    I have lots of bad television I really like. Probably my most embarrassing two are the current version of 90210 and Celebrity Rehab. I CAN’T GET ENOUGH OF THOSE SHOWS. I know. I KNOW.

    • Wasn’t the Oprah bees thing THE BEST? I searched something like “animated gif bees” and then I saw Oprah with the “BEES” caption. Oprah and bees? I was intrigued. And then I was laughing like a maniac.

  4. So I’ve never seen Jersey Shore, but not long ago I found out that the Japanese title for it translates to “The New Jersey Life of Macaroni Assholes”. As far as I’m concerned, that’s all win, and I would totally watch something with a title like that.
    Also, I freaking love the Oprah bees thing. I just looked at it again and it was still funny!

  5. I had similar problems with my mailperson not delivering things even though I was home. Then USPS made the mistake of inviting me to fill out a survey. I did. In extensive detail. Grinning like a maniac the whole time. I haven’t really had any issues since then.

    • WIN. I want this survey. I have actually thought about filing a complaint but then I figured I would NEVER get my mail. Especially replacement credit cards.

  6. It drives me up the wall when people (columnists in the paper, occasionally) go off on parents who work and have their kids in daycare. They trot out all kinds of research and/or assertions that show the kids would be better off at home with one of the parents (read: the mother), and THEN, assert the parents these days are blowing all their money on big TVs, internet, tech toys, spending extravagantly, etc. Go back to the old way of parenting, they say; in my day we didn’t need all those fancy doo-dads and so we didn’t need both parents working. Stop being so selfish, modern parents!
    My response: sorry, no, this isn’t how it is.
    The cost of daycare (wherever you are) is not cheap, but in the grand scheme of things, is less expensive than one parent not working. Because, and I hate to break it to the generation (or income level) that believes it’s possible to provide for a family on one salary, but the time when that was the norm has long since passed. It hasn’t been since the early 80s. You can’t buy a home and transportation (car, bus, whatever), and feed and look after health and education for the family on one income anymore. Wages have not increased at anything like the prices for housing, never mind all the rest of those things.
    You know what? There were a lot of jobs following WWII because a lot of people had DIED. A whole generation lost far too many good people, and those that were left were in demand. And they had lots of babies. Said babies grew up and are now currently holding quite a few of the good jobs. Not an excuse for anyone else not getting a job; but if you want a good one, it’s not like there are lots of openings.
    I love my job, my wife loves hers; but there’s no way we or most people we know could raise a family on a single income. A lot of us are looking at things the way a pre-war generation did: how can I save money? How can I make a bit more? And how can I make sure my kids have something better?
    So please, if you just don’t like the idea of daycares, feel free not to use them. Just don’t accuse parents of wanting all the toys when they shoulder two (or more) sources of incomes; believe me, the toys come LAST.

    • People who get all judgey about other people’s family decisions piss me off. Unless you see someone endangering a child, it’s not anybody’s business what people do in their family. In the situation you brought up, I think it’s probably often more beneficial for the children to have a little less time with the parents (as you said, most likely mom) than it would be for the whole family to be constantly stressing about financial security if one parent couldn’t be the sole provider. Kids can be very affected by their parents’ stress and depression.

      • Exactly, because if someone wants to be a stay-at-home parent and make it work — I say, great. I just get annoyed when an opinion is trotted out like fact when there is no one way to raise a child — the main things are that they are healthy, happy and loved. To me, a huge part of their health is READING with them! For others, it’s other stuff.

        I guess this wasn’t much of a rant. But when you are sleep-deprived for enough years and all-too-aware of how much more you’d like to do/provide for your kids… it doesn’t take much to set you off.

    • “You know what? There were a lot of jobs following WWII because a lot of people had DIED.”

      That’s a small factor. We “only” lost 400K people, out of a population of nearly 150M. That alone shouldn’t change the employment picture dramatically.

      IIRC, bigger factors included pent-up demand (everyone was cashing in their war bonds), the fact that we were the only industrialized nation with an intact infrastructure (and were hence making most of the world’s stuff), government investment in infrastructure (new highways) and education (GI Bill). The fact that women exited the workforce also kept labor prices high.

      But you’ve nailed a bunch of other stuff. “Fancy doo-dads” for a family isn’t a drop in the bucket compared to the costs of housing, education, and health care, all of which have risen dramatically since the 1950s. Those three can take up the bulk of two paychecks.

      Trying to raise a family on one paycheck is still possible, but it’s really hard, and for people making normal wages, it will put you way outside the social mainstream.

      But here’s how you could do it:

      1) Screw college. The cost/benefit ratio isn’t worth it anymore, and accreditation is no match for demonstrated skills. There’s a whole DIY education movement going on out there, with free courses, active discussion, and hands-on projects.

      2) Housing: Look into the small house movement. May not be suitable for claustrophobes.

      3) Health insurance: …

      Eat your veggies?

      Okay, you really can cut your health costs through exercise and healthy eating. But trying to translate that into lower insurance premiums is difficult. And it’s crazy to be without health insurance if you can afford it.

      • I may have been overstating the size of the fatalities, and should have mentioned the huge (encouraged? forced?) transition out of the workforce of women as enlisted people were demobbed — but still, when you look at the ages of members of the military killed in the war, it was people at the prime of their working life, ie. those who would normally be starting their careers. So the remaining people in that demographic would have been able to get jobs more easily, even without much formal education.

        And as a Canadian, I did not factor in the cost of health care separately, though you’re right to do so — since Canadians pay higher taxes in some areas (don’t ask me for a breakdown) to cover public health care. So we should eat our veggies too! Though we don’t get a tax break on it.

        Your comment “Trying to raise a family on one paycheck is still possible, but it’s really hard, and for people making normal wages, it will put you way outside the social mainstream.” <– really captures what I am getting at. A generation ago, perhaps, for middle-class folks, a one-income family was the norm. It's really not anymore.

  7. I would like to admit that at first glance, I thought the wadded up paper was an origami triceratops.

    Rant? I’m disgusted by the creep who linked a Youtube video earlier this morning, claiming that the Colorado shootings were a hoax perpetrated by Big Media. I understand the psychology, not wanting to admit that a lone gunman or small group could cause horrors like this, but a HOAX? People are dead and critically injured, and these lunatics think it was staged with the help of goddamn SNL cast members– who look nothing like the people on the scene that they’re being compared to!

    And of course, everyone who pulls the idiotic argument apart is handwaved away as ‘naive’.

  8. Okay, this is going to be a teeny-tiny rant compared to most people’s, but it JUST happened to me again, and for the love of all that is holy, would it be SO difficult for my husband to remember to change the channel back after watching a DVD? So that I am not blasted with INSANELY LOUD STATIC NOISE when I turn the TV on the next day? I hate to be a nagging wife — especially about something so inconsequential — but I’ve brought it up a few times, and every time I do, he does it for like two days and then never again. BLARGH!!!

    Petty? Yes. Worth a real fight over? No. But you said it was free rant day (and I know he won’t see this).

    • It IS free rant day! And I’m sure all of us living with SOs–or, hell, other people–can sympathize. One of my big things is hubs leaving food bits in the sink, like cereal or something else that gets soggy and gross. Ugh.

  9. First let me say, that the mail carrier should be complained about. I had a friend staying with me cause he got kicked out of his place and the mail carrier wouldn’t deliver his mail to my apartment. I called the post office to make sure it was legal to get my friends mail, and it was so I complained about the mail carrier until his route was swtiched. I am a very nice person, to those who are nice to me, but I cannot handle it when people don’t do their job.

    I tried to do my own rant, but I am still so angry about it that my thoughts about it are still all over the place, so instead I will go with something I am ashamed of.

    I have a good friend who is a FTM trangender, and he is having a hard time with his family and life at the momnent. Last night he told me he wanted to die and was going to take pills. I thought I did my best, I talked to him until almost five this morning, he sounded ok when he told me he was going to work….This morning I found out he did actually take the pills. He is alive but in the hospital. I feel that I should have known better, I am studying to be a psychologist afterall. Maybe because he is my friend I couldn’t see the bigger picture, but I am so ashamed of myself that I could not help him. I thought he was ok, he was talking about telling his parents how he felt about their problems, but apparently he wasn’t. I am not really sure how to process this situation.

    • Oh gosh, I’m sorry you and he are going through all this <3. Don’t beat yourself up over it, okay? I know you did everything that you could… and it’s like my grandma, who was a licensed therapist for years, told me: you can’t (professionally) counsel friends and family, because you’re right, you are too close to them. But you can be there for them, and it sounds like you did.

      Send him good thoughts and love from us.

  10. This is my first comment as I can’t resist a good rant-fest. First of all, I have major peeves with the USPS. The quantity of lost mail and decline of decent service has really gone downhill over the past few years. One time we had too much snow in front of our mailbox so the mail carrier left a notice stating he would no longer deliver our mail. I found this out a week later due to the fact that the entire family was ill. I was so annoyed. It’s not as if we had planned the epic snowstorm just to disrupt his route by 18 inches.

    Speaking of the weather, weeks of 100+ degree temperatures and no measurable rainfall since the middle of June. The kids are in need of some serious outside time. Thankfully school starts again in a few weeks and I can return to my regularly scheduled reading time. I miss my books.

      • It easily opened. He just had to reach over a pile that was almost to the bottom of the actual mailbox and came out about 12 to 18 inches. My guess is that he was annoyed with the unusual weather and the extra work it was causing him and took it out on us.

        • That is SUPER PROFESSIONAL of him. Gah.

          That kind of reminds me of the lady at the post office where I go.. this is actually at the one I PREFER to go to, but since I only have to stand in line when I’m shipping out of the country, it doesn’t bother me much. She is SO. EFFING. SLOW. Like, she HAS to be doing it on purpose. There’s no way anybody could be THAT SLOW and not be doing it on purpose, because she doesn’t seem to have any kind of mental or physical impediment. WTF? There will be a WHOLE LINE of people and she will be going so slow that a snail could do her work faster and probably have time to go smoke afterward. Smoke a CARTON. Which would probably kill a snail, but whatevs.

          The last time I was there, someone actually called the phone number that is posted that says “if you are waiting in line for more than x minutes, please call this number” and then someone came from the back and handled like 8 customers while she handled one.

  11. Oh! Free rant day! Usually the best I can find is buy-one-get-one-free rant coupons, so this is extra money saving.

    Someone used the last of my nail polish, and it might have been my husband.

    One of my cats peed in the dog’s food dish.

    Someone parked their car in the middle of a narrow parking lot so that they could get out and talk to someone else.

    I have to cook dinner tonight. I’ve cooked dinner the last 400 nights. I may just break the streak by serving dog food.

    • Oh, I missed this yesterday! My comment notifications were being all weird.

      I completely LOL’d at your cat peeing in the dog dish, even though it must have been a pain to clean. But it was hilarious to me because it’s such an aggressive act against the dog.. and SO catlike.

      OMG I wish stabbing people who block aisles/throughways was legal. I would be the MOST stabby. No mercy.

  12. Don’t even get me started on the post office – they once delivered FOUR of my packages to the wrong house in ONE DAY and then insisted they left them on my porch at precisely 4:30. Ummm… no, you didn’t, asshole because I was home and my dog would have gone bananas if you had. And the post office guy practically called me a liar for saying they weren’t there. It took a week of going back and forth before I finally asked how to file a “theft of mail” report and asked if I should call the police department or the postal inspector. Guess what? My fucking packages showed up that afternoon!

    Doesn’t stop them from leaving the “not home” slip in my mailbox even when I’m HOME ALL DAMN DAY though.

    And I can’t watch JS, but I do watch Cajun Justice and American Pickers – I might start watching a new show called Hillbilly Handfishers that I just learned about today and that is all about hillbillies WHO CATCH CATFISH WITH THEIR BARE HANDS! How insane is that? They stick their hands in “catfish holes” that may or may not be actually occupied by snakes or BEAVERS – both of which will bite you. As will catfish, apparently.

    • OH EM GEE, I have to tell my husband about Hillbilly Handfishers. He would love it.

      I also love American Pickers. And Pawn Stars.

  13. You honestly don’t want to hear my rant because as bad as your week was, mine was a million times worse. A million – easy. Scientific fact. But your rantiness made me laugh inappropriately a few times during an important business meeting, such that I had to cover it up with fake cough-cough noises. So your pain has yielded some benefit in the cosmos. Thank you ISB.

    • I am really happy that people read my blog during business meetings. It makes me smile.

      I’m sorry you had a bad week. I can’t imagine what it would feel like to have a million times more bees and fuck in my brain.

      • My defense is that reading such things during meetings keeps my creative juices flowing and prevents me from slipping into a deep, career limiting nap. Unless I am actually supposed to be leading stuff, in which case I should likely pay attention. It wasn’t a good week, but this week should be better. I hope the same for you, with my only concern being if everything goes well for you then your next rant may be tempered. We don’t want that. So, have a good week, but not TOO good a week.

  14. 1. Fuck the book snobs.

    2. You receive no judgment for watching Jersey Shore, but those Macaroni Assholes DO receive judgment for making the rest of us Italians look like idiots. I swear we’re not all like that. They’re acting a part (which I know you already know).

    3. Our mailman is the best. It’s UPS that I have problems with. I once had them leave a book at the BACK of the house, at a nearly hidden door that leads into the garage (a door we’ve never used in 5+ years). It was a longer walk to that door than our front door. And the book sat in the rain for days before my daughter discovered it.

    4. I met the guys from Limp Bizkit once when I worked at Wal-Fart. They were really cool and everything that came out of my mouth was utter gibberish. Way to be smooth, Heather. I love the song you posted here.

    • Yeah re: JS kids. They’re also pretty young, I think. Put young kids on cameras and they generally act a little assholish, ha.

      OMG, I hope you bitched UPS out right and proper for that. WHY would someone do that?

      I’m not a huge Limp Bizkit fan these days–not since my high school years when that album came out–but sometimes that song is just friggin’ appropriate.

      • I’m scratching my head, wondering how I was logged in with one Twitter account to respond to David, and the other Twitter account to post my own response. Weird.

        Yeah, I’m not a fan of Limp Bizkit’s newer stuff. My favorite album is their first one. But I like “Break Something” and play it loudly in my car when I’m in a rotten mood. It was the perfect song for this post.

        I was going to call UPS and complain, but then I took too long and ended up not saying anything. They also like to leave packages in front of the garage, which also confuses me–if we actually parked our cars in the garage, we’d probably end up running something over that they had left there. What a bunch of dolts. They’ve been pretty good recently, but I’ve got my eye on them…

  15. One of the most frustrating things ever is having to run troubleshooting on my laptop because the Internet won’t work. The stupid thing won’t ever do anything like reset the adapter, renew my IP, etc. THEN it tells me to LOOK ONLINE FOR SOLUTIONS. WTF computer, I CAN’T USE THE INTERNET.

    I also just discovered that a glass of wine before bed makes me not grit my teeth in my sleep and not wake up with a headache. AWESOME discovery, let me tell you.

    And all the people in the world that have websites need to learn to spell/write correctly/proofread/not leave lorum ipsum text on it. :(

    Maybe this wasn’t much of a rant. I might have more later. :P

    • That was a pretty good rant! And OMG, computers and internet is the most frustrating thing ever. I don’t know why, in 2012, it can’t be easier than it was in 1997 when you just plugged the damn thing into the wall and dialed up. I mean, it was slow, but it was easy.

  16. The only lit snobs I’ve ever actually encountered were in college, where they all read Wittgenstein and Derrida and loudly said “Well blah blah MY OPINION NOISE SEMIOTICS JARGON PHENOMENOLOGY IRREFUTABLE” at every possible opportunity, thus reducing meaningful classroom dialogue to buzzworded sludge (kinda like a mined swamp, only when you take a wrong step a bunch of people in non-prescription glasses jump out of the bushes and yell “NON-PERTINENT DISCOURSE!!” at you until you drown). I have been lucky enough not to encounter anyone who is deeply upset by my abiding love of the Brambly Hedge books. Which is good, because they are hardbacks, and I can hit pretty hard when sufficiently aggravated.

    Unrelated fact: I went and read every.single.comment on the Banned Books post before commenting on this one, just so I could be in the know. I’m not sure what was weirder, the nutjob author or the Jew-haters (and that one lone Muslim-hater). MY RANT IS ABOUT ANGRY PEOPLE SHOUTING ON THE INTERNET WHY GOD WHY. In this case specifically about the fact that a post I wrote got put on the /r/feminism reddit and I was like Yay! until people apparently decided to stop reading halfway through in order to rush back and make snide remarks about my total misapprehension of the feminist uses of burqas and I was like Aw man please no! AND NOT ONE of them commented ON MY POST. I’d call them dickbags, but that seems contextually inappropriate, so we’ll go with NOT VERY GOOD BLOG READERS.

    • I would be horrified if I went to college and that happened to me. I mostly studied science so, we didn’t get as much of that.

      UGH, I hate that. I always cringe a little when my posts make it to Reddit, just in case I’ve said something that could be ripped apart (I try not to, but it happens). You never know what will happen after your post makes it out of your general audience.

  17. I, for one, am sick of my library. I actually have three and NONE of them EVER have any books I want. Maybe it’s because I live in a super religious community or something but like, what’s wrong with having any good books? I’ve been waiting until the semester got over and then I was like YES read ALL THE BOOKS but then I went to the library to get the books and it was like, “YA books?” Nope. “Romance books?” Nope. “Fantasy books?” Nope. “Religious books?” OH yes, here be converted! NO I JUST WANT TO READ MY INTERESTING AND SOMETIMES CHILDISH AND MAYBE OCCASIONALLY SMUTTY BOOKS AND I DO NOT WANT TO BE LIMITED BY YOUR SELECTION OF CRAPPINESS! Of course I could just like buy the books but being a poor college student and all kind of kills that. I just really do not understand that out of three libraries I can’t find what I want. Just why? Maybe I should stop being so selective and just read what they have. But I don’t want to so instead I’ll complain and be annoying.

    Other than this, I do agree with you something must be in the air. My whole life has been family drama for weeks and suddenly this week someone decided to dump another bucketful on us like we would enjoy more. Thanks but no thanks, can you like choose another planet preferably to cause more pain to? We’re pretty much good over here.

    • Oh no :( THREE crappy libraries? Could you maybe join one of those book-swapping sites? My brain refuses to remember the name of one of them, but you sign up and you offer books and then you can pick books to get in return.

      I also like buying used books on Amazon.. even if you’re broke, you can usually find a used copy of something for a few cents.. add in shipping and that’s only four bucks usually. If you’re desperate. :D

    • Is your library linked to a digital service? My local library is absolute shit—and it’s a shame, since it’s a block away from my office—but then I found that they use the Overdrive service, and are hooked up to a province-wide system. Now I can access a pretty decent selection of ebooks.

    • Can you request books? My library has an online form for requesting books – I’ve used it to request that they buy certain eBooks before. Granted, it turns out that the publisher wouldn’t allow that particular book to be bought by libraries to be loaned out, but the librarian emailed me back and let me know that.

  18. Can I still rant even though it’s the next day??? Pleeeease?

    I HEAR you loud & clear about the PO! For years I had a wonderful mail lady who would deliver any packages to my house so they couldn’t be stolen if they were left on the road. Once she’d get to our driveway, she’d slow way down, on the lookout for my small dogs who might be in the yard with me if we were gardening. She was wonderful & cheerful & pleasant & would always stop & have a cup of tea & talk about plants or dogs or just how-are-ya’s.

    But she retired.

    And now the Postmistress REFUSES to let my mail carrier (who deserves a medal because she does try to circumvent these new rules when she can) deliver my packages because she says she doesn’t know what’s on that gravel road that winds through the woods for a mile & a half. I’ve told her what’s there (me at the end, no baddies or wild animals) & that I will even give her cookies & tea when she drives up with my packages. NO! REFUSAL!! So now when I order plants, I know they might be dried out from waiting in the un-air conditioned office all weekend with their soil all loosened from the clerk’s jostling & it just makes ME so royally pissed!! I don’t find their stupid slips until the afternoon & it’s often after they have closed because they have the luxury of closing at 4:30 every day…except Sat. when they close at 10!! And did I mention they are closed every day for 90 minutes for lunch? GRRRRR…My tax dollars at work!!

    The only revenge I can get is to cross them off the holiday baking list. sigh

    • Of course you can still rant!

      They refuse to bring your mail to your house? UGH. I hate getting those little slips. Why can’t the postmistress send someone in a regular car to come investigate your driveway? I guess they’re too busy for the people who pay to keep the post office running.

      • Yeah, no mail to the house because we’re too rural…whatever the hell that means. Our box is across the street from our gravel road as is the garbage can.

  19. PS I don’t mind at all about Snookie. I LOOOVVEE all of those Real Housewives shows. Perfect brain candy for me while I knit.

  20. Ok I am having a meltdown about something that is happening outside my office RIGHT THIS SECOND. Two coworkers are shaming each other about wanting to eat a Ferrero Rocher chocolate. “OMG 60 calories?! That’s disgusting.” “I know! You don’t need that! Your body doesn’t want that! I don’t care if it’s dark chocolate, it’s still chocolate!” “It’s not worth it! I have a vegan cookie I want to eat later and I can’t if I eat one tiny chocolate right now!” “OMG don’t do it! That’s how you fall down the slippery slope of being FAT.”

    I so want to walk out and stuff a handful of chocolates in my fat face right in front of them because how annoying and hateful can you be?! How do people function talking to themselves that way, nevermind other people, about something so small? Apparently Ferrero Rocher is a gateway drug to teh fat. This view is coming from the same women who tried to shame me about not being vegan and about eating flavoured yogurt. YOGURT. I was eating a thing that is good for my body and it’s not good enough because it’s not plain, disgusting glop! How dare I put that into my own body! Also fuck off about what I put into my body! Not your issue, for fuck’s sake! Because nothing would ever be good enough for someone who’s so insecure and self-critical that they have to project that outwards and get other people to reinforce their own fucked up mentality. Unfuckingbelievable.

  21. One thing I have been debating writing a blog post about is the overuse of the name “Fenris” in mythological-based wolf- or werewolf-related novels.

    Why? Because people using that form of the name in titles, referring to the apocalyptic great wolf of Norse mythology, DON’T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND THEY’RE USING THE GENITIVE/POSSESSIVE FORM.

    The nominative (ie. the normal) form of the name is Fenrir. As in “Fenrir bit off the hand of Tyr in revenge for being shackled by the gods,” or “Fenrir is one of the monstrous children of Loki.”

    When people use “Fenris” it makes as much sense as people always referring to Thor as “Thors.” Yet how often do you hear someone say “The Norse god of thunder was Thors.” Or better yet, referring to Loki by the genitive form of his name, “Loka.”

    The only possible reason I can see for this misuse is that in Old Norse the wolf is sometimes referred to as “Fenrisúlfurinn,” ie. “The Wolf of Fenrir” in the same way in English we used to once say (and still do) “The City of London.” We don’t mean London owns a city, but the genitive/possessive form would be used in Old Norse for that construction.

    Another possible reason is that said authors read too many X-men comics in the ’80s, when Chris Claremont introduced a terrorist group called Fenris. I guess he thought it sounded cool. But couldn’t he have looked up the correct name?

    Anyway, I realize your eyes all glazed over after the first paragraph (except Kate’s — is she reading this?), but, my god, people, if you’re going to misappropriate a cultural reference, could you, I don’t know, SPELL IT RIGHT?

    Sorry. This properly belongs to a blog post that may remain forever in my head called “IT’S FENRIR, YOU IDIOTS.”

  22. I loved your rant, but I hate the world this past month. It just blows.

    This is going to sound petty and childish, but I am so sick of this 50 shades of grey nonsense that I want to punch everyone I see reading that book. And please, please, PLEASE don’t tell me that book changed your life! It didn’t. And if it honestly did, well, hoo-fucking-ray for you.

    I’m also tired of all the hate. There really isn’t much I can’t handle, but all this “OMG I hate that” is really starting to piss me off. Why don’t we tell people about the stuff we like anymore? WHy can’t people just get fucking EXCITED about something for a change???

    And why, why, WHY do women feel the need to bash each other? Am I in a hotness competition that I didn’t know I entered? I don’t remember signing up for the Miss America pageant. I am always appalled at the people who have the FUCKING NERVE to ask me if my ample breasts are real. OF COURSE THEY ARE!!!!! Why on fucking Earth would I want to make my breasts a ddd on purpose? And if I did, WHAT BUSINESS IS IT OF YOURS?????

    Oh, and yes, mom, I’m going to eat that piece of chocolate cake, and no, mom I probably WON’T run it off tomorrow.

    Ok. So yeah. Thanks for free rant day, even if it is Wednesday, and I missed it. :) I feel better now.

    • Your rant is awesome. I’m basically in agreement.

      Also, I agree with you about hating. I do rant about things that I think deserve attention (or just to be funny, usually), but when it comes to reviews, I try to keep them in the positive as much as possible. I always give my honest opinion of a book, but if I am not grooving on a writer, I’ll generally put it down and move on to something I like better. I’m much happier sharing books that I do like. Also, less chance for backlash that way, heh heh.

      I don’t know why people have to be so bitchy to each other, either. Something ugly in human nature that will probably be around until we’re gone.. but maybe our descendants can stamp it out :D

      • That is why I read your reviews, as opposed to people who review EVERYTHING. I mean, I have a hard time finishing a book, but damn, if I didn’t like it, I don’t have to tell everyone what is wrong with it. I usually just shrug and move on.

        I hope our descendants do stamp it out. Though I’d like to stamp out a few people….lol.

  23. Pingback: Clock Rewinders on a Book Binge (27) | bookgoonie

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