I appreciate you for being cruel; I’m burning bright thanks to your rejection fuel

6 August 2013 by 212 Comments

Hi, Mitch.

It’s me, one of The Insatiable Book Sluts The Cunts.

First, thank you so much for wishing us all the best. That’s so kind of you. You know, that personal touch really is lacking in modern society so often lately. Those small kindnesses mean so much.

Wanted to talk to you a little about this cunt situation.

I just checked, and I totally have one. Cool, right? So I guess I have to assume you were talking to me.

Oh, wait. You were using the word as a pejorative. You were using a slang word for my lady-bits as an insult.

Huh. Well, that’s creative. Way to think outside the box. (Pun/euphemism most definitely intended with the use of the word “box.”)

Now, I know it’s going to shock you a little, as I’m a Cunt and all, but I also have a brain. I know most Cunts don’t, as the having of vaginas precludes the use of our brain-areas. We’re much too busy thinking of lady-thoughts, like cooking. Baby-making. Pretty things like cross-stitch and crochet and scrapbooking. I’m not saying I DON’T think of those things (I mean, it’s my pesky double-X chromosomes, how can I not?) but I can ALSO think of OTHER things. I’m multitasky as shit.

I think you thought calling us The Cunts would shock us. Upset us. Make us weepy, probably; ladies do weep. Also quail. And collapse on fainting-couches.

Sah-WOON.

Sah-WOON.

Thing is – it didn’t.

Honestly, it didn’t even piss me off that much. Mostly, it just made me roll my eyes, and find you sad. Sad and lonely and, let’s face it, grammatically suspect. “It seems like a read more blog post” – listen, maybe just give things a quick eyeball before you hit publish? That’s kind of word-salad, right there, Mitcharoonie.

Mostly why it didn’t bother me is this:

I totally own my cuntiness. We all do over here. Look, here it is in handy pie-chart form (because, well, you know what cunts are good at: making pie.)

So, listen. This Cunt situation. Well, you seem to think it’s bad, that we post rants over here. That it’s not what we’re supposed to do. That we’re supposed to only post reviews; that we maybe signed some sort of contract saying we would, and now we’re going back on the terms of said contract.

Nope. We’re all honey badger doing-what-we-want over here. We can do that. No contracts were signed. No promises were made.

Also, people seem to like our rants. We get a lot of reads on those days. Here, I used my big old brain to make you a sciency/mathy graph.

Nice, right? I didn’t just use my brain to make that. I asked my cunt for input. My cunt said the line oughtta be red. I acquiesced.

So, listen, Mitch. I’m going to give you some pointers on how to be a good human. What’s that? You didn’t ask for pointers? Well, I didn’t ask to be called a cunt in the comment section of my blog, but, you know, I roll with the punches.

  • Take some deep breaths and stop being so angry.
  • Don’t use “cunt” as an insult. Because it isn’t one. Until you use it as one.
  • If you don’t like what’s being published for FREE on the INTERNET, don’t read it.
  • Spell- and grammar-check your posts unless your intention is to look like an uneducated rube who hates women. (WAS that your intention?)

I have to assume (you know us cunts; we assume all over the place, we just can’t help ourselves – we get such a reputation that way, you know?) that, based on your utter butt-hurt comment and how it’s geared toward our most author-oriented rants, you’re an author yourself. I look forward to you ignoring our submission guidelines and submitting your premiere novel, Vampiers Verses Wearwolfs, to us very soon.

Also, I get that you used cunt for maximum OMG shock-and-awe value, but may I suggest twat? It’s got the added cachet of being a British cuss, and as one of my nearest and dearest told me, it just feels good in one’s mouth.

(Sorry to be blunt, Mitch, but I’m guessing the nearest you’ve come to either cunt OR twat in quite some time is on this blog, so I feel I’ll have to explain this to you: the mouth comment up there? Totally a euphemism. For cunnilingus. YOU’RE WELCOME, MITCH.)

So, as a proud member of The Cunts, I’ll leave you with this last thought, Mitch, my dear:

All the best, Mitch. Every last bit of it. From both me, and my cunt.

212 thoughts on “I appreciate you for being cruel; I’m burning bright thanks to your rejection fuel

    • Thank you thank you! (And don’t worry. Just sit back and let your cunt do the thinking. It’s easier than it seems.)

  1. If my brain weren’t so pre-occupied with lady things, I’d produce a pie chart that shows how much I love this post. (If yellow is all the love and purple is all the hate, it’s a giant yellow circle.)

    • It’s tough to think, what with all these lady-things cluttering up our brain-areas. I understand. Like, I’m trying to write this reply? But all I can think about is various types of lacy curtains, and which would look best in my boudoir. Oh, and also how to catch a man.

      • Perhaps you could use the lacy curtains to catch a man? Like, you could throw them over him, or something? I don’t know, I’m just making do with what I have up here in my thought space. I have some lipstick … a sewing kit … a huge pile of emotions and feelings (but I’ve heard those just annoy the menfolk, right?) … some kitchen cleaning stuff (not to change the subject, but I’m thinking of breaking up with my mop, what do you think? It’s just, I met this Swiffer guy and, I don’t know, I think, he might be The One?) …

  2. I gotta admit, I’m kind of jealous of Mitch right now. I mean, I’ve never had a blog post devoted to me by anyone /and their cunt/. That’s pretty impressive.

    Also, I’d like to thank you for simply improving our vocabulary. I now have a source to quote when questioned by my use of the word “cuntiness”.

    All-in-all, this was full of win. All the win. And all the cuntiness. Thank you.

    • I’d suggest just keep trying. Oh, and trolling. I think if you keep trying, and trolling REALLY hard, someone/somecunt might just write YOU a post someday!

      Cuntiness really is a most excellent word. Someday, when the OED adds it, I hope they attribute it to me. My lifelong dream: FULFILLED!

      • Oooh, I think you’ve just coined a word I want to use forever: somecunt. As in “Someday I’ll meet that special somecunt.” Or “Somecunt saved my life tonight.” Perfect for use in the title to Adele’s next big hit too!

        • I’m making up all kinds of excellent words, here. I really should have been a linguist. (I can’t think of that word without thinking of “cunning linguist” and laughing like a moron.)

    • Ooh, an award! I’m just wondering what it would look like. I’m thinking it would have to be blurred out due to its graphic nature.

      Thank you!

  3. I laughed my ass off reading through this post (no seriously, my sister looked really worried for a while). My favourite part was definitely the book title Vampiers Verses Wearwolfs (choked on my tea hahaha). Nice touch indeed. Stay classy!

    • Dude must be one of the many (MANY) searchers that my site gets hits for with the search terms “celtics and wearwolfs,” “lee aaron hot” and, likely, “penis archives.” I have yet to write posts to suit this (growing?) need, but maybe I’ll just write one that simply posts to all the awesome here.

      • Seriously, I sent that as an email to Susie before the post was published, just snarking on Mitch’s spectacular grammar, and it kind of wormed its way into the post. I’m so glad people are liking it! (It cracked me up. If something cracks me up, I’m pretty sure it’ll crack up others, as I’m my own harshest critic.)

    • Hee! Yay, I’m so glad you liked it! You’ll have to tell me Eric’s response. I like Eric. He’s got the right kind of sense of humor, that man. Plus, he doesn’t seem like the kind of person who’d call someone a cunt on the interwebz. I like that in a man.

  4. I love this response. It really is the best.

    We could hope for enlightenment to come to Mitch from this, but it’s not likely. But at least all of us got to enjoy it. :D

    • I am curious if we have seen the last of Mitch. I’m assuming he’s hard at work editing his book. I mean, it’s not easy, getting all those typos juuuuuust…right.

      Thank you!

  5. Well, I think I owe this guy a thank you for inspiring an awesome rant which led to the tweet which led me to your blog and all your other awesome rants which I happen to think are amazing! Actually, he deserves to be slapped in the face, but the rest of that sentence is true :-P

    • Hello, and welcome! We’re so glad you’re here!

      We probably do deserve Mitch a thank you, because, well, Mitch, guess what? Your classy cunty comment has led to a hilarious Facebook conversation, numerous Twitter conversations, and this post (which, my darling, is just the tip of the iceberg.)

      THANKS, MITCHAROONIE!

      • OMG I LOVED DUCKTALES SO HARD

        (Also? what makes blogging awesome: I had an excuse, practically a mandate really, to go find a gif for this.)

          • That silo of money looked like the most fun, even though I’m sure in real life it would smell like blood and also you’d get a concussion if you tried to dive into it, and it would be germy because people use money A LOT. But somehow, it still looked like THE BEST IDEA.

  6. All that science-y stuff with charts and stuff doesn’t make any sense to me, ’cause all I can think is “mmmm, pie.”

    And Mitch! your premiere novel, Vampiers Verses Wearwolfs,. I’m totally in. Sounds like just my sort of thing!! Right up there with Mitch Dungaree, Vampire Cowboy Detective!

    • Very close, very close–according to the email address, it’s Mitch Flexwell. Because that’s a real name and everything.

      Also I just died laughing at your comment.

        • I’m waiting for the sequel, now: “Mitch Dungaree Verses Mitch Flexwell (plus also vampiers and wearwolfs)”

      • As you’ll see below, that’s because I mixed up Mitch’s mitchin’ name with the name on the book title in the book I read… oh, dear, that came out all muddled. Must be my cunt interfering with my thought process again…

        • Hee! I didn’t even know that was a real book that you referenced!

          But if you find your cunt is interfering with your thinky-parts, go in the kitchen. I always find that helps me settle down after a prolonged bout of thinking.

          • When I think too much, I like to look vacantly off into the middle-distance and think about kittens.

            They’re so soothing, kittens. So soft and purry. Kittens…..

            Sorry, what was I saying?

    • Oh my god. Vampire Cowboy Detective…hang on, not only does this need to be a novel, this needs to be a friggin’ SERIES. Maybe an anime? Actually wait, there’s probably already an anime with vampire cowboy detectives in it. Damn.

      • I love this. There are so many plotlines to be discovered with Vampire Cowboy Detective. You’ve got the supernatural, the western, AND the noir. You really would never run out of things to write about!

      • I want to admit that this is not an original idea, but one I found in the Tales from Lovecraft Middle School series. Let me go and find the complete book title. Okay, here it is. It was in “Professor Gargoyle” and was the book the MC had to find in the library to prove he could find his way. It was called: “The Adventures of Fangs Dungaree, Teenage Vampire Cowboy Detective #1: The Case of the Flaming Horseshoe. ” I said to myself “I would TOTALLY read this book” and it’s been stuck in the back of my head ever since.

        With this group, I’m hoping that someone will fulfill my dreams and write that little gem. That would be just mitchin’…

          • OK. It’s settled–we need to make this into a group project. We’ll write this via emails sent to each other with short chapters enclosed. Then, when it’s reached peak insanity, we’ll post it on all our blogs as our master work. Someone will see it and be so moved, that they’ll make The Call. Shortly thereafter, The Big Six (not just one BUT ALL OF THEM) will be banging on our doors and we’ll all become international bestsellers overnight. DONE.

            • OMG ALL OF THEM. I like that we’ll be in a bidding war.

              Can Ewan McGregor be in the movie? I know he’s happily married and all, but I just want to meet him. Maybe lick him. Just a little bit.

  7. My first encounter with the big “C” was David Mamet’s Oleanna. Which is, ironically, about a big jackass of a guy who likes to throw his weight around until he realizes (too late) that all his idiot, abusive weight has grown so massive that it can only inevitably implode like a black hole and leave him a fragile, bitter husk of a man, without respect, without impact.

    ‘Course, I’m a believer in rehabilitation. Make some good karma, quick, Mitch, ’cause your event horizon is fast approaching.

    Here’s to you, William H. Macy.

    • Describing it as your “first encounter” leaves me with MANY FEELS. And questions! Like, did you know it was a BIG DEAL NAUGHTY WORD when you heard it? Was it the first encounter spoken aloud, or first encounter at all?

      Also, I feel warm and fuzzy that you shared your first Big C story with us today. Awwww.

      • I didn’t know what was described, exactly, but Mamet’s character speaks with such anger/aggression, an explosive moment that comes after loads of superiority and condescension. I both read and watched it for a class. And searched meanings online afterwards. “Ooooooh, that’s what it means.”

        • I’m not a Mamet fan (I think he’s sometimes brilliant, and sometimes just writes from a place of anger and f-bombs) but I do like some of his work very much, and “Oleanna” is one of the ones that works for me. (Nothing beats “Glengarry Glen Ross,” though.)

          You know, I was trying to think of MY first introduction to the word, and can’t for the life of me think when that might have been. I’m guessing freshman year of college (so also when I was 17) – I had a friend who lived for shock value, and he loved greeting his female friends with “Hey, cunt.” (Before anyone gets up-in-arms, he was also very intelligent, snarky, and wonderful, and it was more a term of endearment than anything.)

          • Huh, I thought I must have been way behind the curve at 17.

            Yeah, Mamet, I don’t love EVERYTHING, but I at least appreciate his kinda arrogantly stand-offish vision. You might call it “uncompromising” when charitable. I had to read his book on directing in my film program, too.

            • Oh, I grew up TERRIBLY sheltered. I didn’t know homosexuality existed until I started college. I thought it was a joke created for “Three’s Company.” I’m not even kidding.

              I recently read that Mamet’s become very, very conservative, and rails all over the place against liberals (even though he was very active liberally in the 60s.) I find that interesting and wonder if it will impact his writing at all.

          • I was also sheltered. While I know “them damn queers” existed, it just wasn’t an OPTION, y’know. Then I went to college… things changed. The one and only thing for which I can truly thank my first ex-husband in his search for a threesome was my sudden understanding that women are much more attractive, overall, then men.

            • This made me smile huge. Good job, ex-husband!

              (I credit college for not so much teaching me the things in classes, so much, as how to be a human being.)

  8. This is quite possibly my favorite thing on the internet. Ever. You see, cunt is my favorite word–and just so happens to be my favorite part on a lady. Half a notch ahead of breasts. Seeing someone embrace the cunt (tongue-in-cheek) and let a witless cunt-hater have at it with handy visual aids made my week. Seriously. Thank you for this post.

    Also, twat is a perfectly acceptable replacement.

    • The whole internet! Well, that makes my day! Thank you!

      Twat is kind of brilliant. And my friend was right. It really does feel good in your mouth. Come on, everyone. Just say it. You’ll see that I’m right.

      Twat. Twat. Twat.

      Isn’t that glorious?

  9. I wonder how long Mitch is going to take to compose his EPIC rebuttal to your cuntiness? I am looking forward to the word salad that shall ensue – although we may have to wait until his mom lets him back on the internet.

    I have also decided that I am going to think about my future cunty actions in terms of Pretty Fucking Cunty or Not At All Cunty and I’m thinking that I should always err on the side of PFC because that’s what us crazy cunts do, especially when it’s our time of the month. That is, when we’re not baking cookies or making our menfolk a sammich.

    • We were discussing this today. It’s a total will-he-or-won’t-he situation, really, with the Mitchster. *waits patiently* *realizes she has better things to do* *wanders off and does them*

      I’m ALSO going to think about my actions like that, but also with some gray areas of “ZOMG THAT’S WAY TOO CUNTY” or “Meh, sorta cunty, I suppose.” I think everything should have gray areas.

      ZOMG I NEED TO BAKE COOKIES NOW. What if there are men out there who need them?!?!?

    • goddamn, I want some cookies. It’s my manfolk that makes cookies around here, though–I am just hopeless at it.

  10. Pingback: Behaving badly elsewhere | Lucy’s Football

  11. I’ve been following this and haven’t had time to comment.

    Maybe we can make mitch a male stand in for the word bitch?

    For example a guy could say: Not to be a mitch but before he says something mitchy.

    Just the fact that he follows up cunt with “all the best” wins Mitch a douche of the year award for his super-pithy comment.

    OMG you guys! Mitch is hilarious! – said no one ever

    Love that he showed back up in the comments and admitted to being an author. That’s so Mitch.

  12. Mitch, thanks for creating a new phrase for me. Whenever I see a really, really excellent rant (like this one, with spiffy charts and everything), instead of commenting “what a great rant!” I’m going to comment, “This post is simply the cunts!”

    • YAY! Mitch is totally helping us rewrite the lexicon. He should be SO PROUD of himself. Maybe his mommy can help him tack something up on his corkboard in the basement next to his Participant Award for the Third Grade Read-a-Thon, which I’m sure, up until now, has been his proudest moment.

  13. so you wrote several paragraphs, and illustrated three pie charts to demonstrate how much you don’t care about someone’s comment?

    • Congratulations! I was waiting for that EXACT COMMENT! There’s no prize, though. Your sense of smug self-satisfaction will have to do. (blows you a kiss)

      • smug?
        self-satisfied?

        writing a retaliatory multiple paragraph essay to a guy calling you a name (with pie graphs no less) exposes the insecurities of yourself, more so than the original guy in question.

        • if y’all read a lot – cool. props for keeping the country quasi-literate in the age of too much electronic stimulation, YOLO, and bad pop music. but reading should have at least taught you something. sarcasm is the idiot’s version of wit.

          • Translation: “It’s great that you can be witty, but please only be witty in a way which I approve of and understand. Otherwise I will threaten you with vague insinuations that you might be…wait for it…*stupid.* And of course no one wants to be stupid cause it is LITERALLY THE WORST THING EVAR. I can prove its stupid because here are examples of other things which lots of people totally think are stupid, thus proving my point. RAWRRR!!! I’MA SCARY PERSON ON THE INTERNET WHO IS AN AUTHORITY ON EVERYTHING! grrr!!! I also hate capitalization for some unknown reason!!”

            Congrats, b. You sound exactly like somebody’s paranoid, antisocial dad shaking his walking stick at the windows shouting for kids to get off their lawn. Have fun with that! =D

            • Yeah, on my way to work today I was thinking b must be shitloads of fun at parties.

              “Oh, this is the best song EVER.” *eyeroll*
              “Were you just using sarcasm? SIGH. That is the idiot’s version of wit, you know. Can I freshen that beverage up for you?”
              “WHO INVITED GRAMPA OVER HERE?”

        • Aw, “b”, are you feeling left out? Hoping someone will write you a post if you’re douchey enough?

          Not going to happen, but thanks for playing! Go call people fat on Reddit or something, ok? That’s what Reddit’s there for.

            • I found it surprising Mitch had a friend! I bet they totally get together and grumble over wimmenfolks and their highfalutin’ ideas while poundin’ brewskis.

  14. Goddammit, I stay away from the web for less than a day and I miss all the hoo-hah. I need Google Glass or something.

    I couldn’t help noticing that you used a couple of pie charts up there in the post. They were very informative and easy to understand, as pie charts usually are. But did you know that one of the first recorded uses of pie charts was by another kick-ass woman? Yes, Florence Nightingale used her own invention, the Polar Area Diagram, to help visualise the effect of cleanliness on the death rates in hospitals during the Crimean war: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/1/17/Nightingale-mortality.jpg/1024px-Nightingale-mortality.jpg I fact, Florence can be (and often is) seen to have pioneered the whole data visualisation field all by herself.

    The word ‘cunt’ comes from the Old Norse ‘kunta’, as a name for female genitals. The word then traces back to the Proto-Germanic ‘kuntōn’, with the same meaning. That’s over 4,500 years of cuntiness right there.

  15. I’m really hoping that gay marriage leads to marrying cats and Keurigs and houses and things like the right-wingers feared because I desperately want to marry this post and have its cunty little babies. <3

    • This made me cackle. The best part was Keurigs. One time, Bill O’Reilly said gay marriage would lead to people marrying turtles, and ever since, I’ve been waiting for my chance to marry a turtle. WHEN’S IT GONNA BE MY TIME, BILL?!?!?

      • I’m mad because I was promised that if DOMA were overturned, I’d have to get gay married and I desperately need a wife. Where’s my damn wife, Rick Perry? Those sammiches aren’t going to make themselves.

        • I’m Canadian and we’ve had gay marriage for many years and I STILL don’t have a wife. I thought maybe they’d start handing them out with gay marriage certificates at the post office or something, but nope. Still waiting.

          • New York passed same-sex marriage a few years ago and I still haven’t gotten mine, either.

            Sigh.

            Do you think she got lost in the mail? I was really looking forward to someone I could snark on bad television with.

        • I bet Rick Perry is hiding all the Texas wives in a shed somewhere. I don’t feel like he’s handing out the wives in a timely fashion like he’s supposed to. That’s so like Rick Perry.

      • Just think of all the 80s little girls with crushes on Rafael whose dreams could come true if they could marry turtles!

        This needs to happen. Also, polygamy, because it isn’t fair that I’m in a love triangle with my Dyson AND my Keurig. Ours is a modern love story and I shouldn’t have to choose. CUNTS DON’T HAVE TO CHOOSE, damn it.

        • Skyla, don’t you see that your immoral ways are leading us to the COFFEEPOCALYPSE? Or any number of apocalypses in which the machines take over? HAVE YOU NOT SEEN MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE?
          When your Dyson/Keurig triangle leads us to Emilio Estevez being trapped in a gas bar by enraged semi trucks, it will be too late to change your ways.

    • Every time I hear some ignorant hater say something like this, I just want to roll my eyes, since coffeepots and turtles can SO TOTALLY sign legal contracts… *sigh*

      However, having a big ol’ polyamourous marriage would be awesome. I could do with a couple wives to do the cooking and a few more husbands to bring in the money… LOL

      • If I could share in your marriage to this post, that’d be awesome. As long as I can also marry the cappuccino I had yesterday…it was the best cappuccino I’ve had thus far (and if you want to read “had” in the British colloquial sense, that works just fine ;)

          • Huzzah! It’s a deal!

            *runs to nearest bridal dress shop…realizes can’t afford anything there…finds instead a long faux-renaissancey coffee-colored dress from store that also sells tie-dye stuff and random odds ‘n ends…is proud of practical choice, for dress could also double as outfit for next Ren Faire…is not at all concerned that may have mistakenly taken mock-proposal literally when no such actual marriage is actually planned (also realizes will be impossible to marry exact cappuccino consumed days ago for obvious reasons)…is pleased with new dress anyway, for its above-mentioned alternate purpose… proceeds to dance about the house singing “Lally-lally-lally!” and feeling like a faery princess*

  16. Well said!!! Have to go finish my embroidery and I think my pie is almost ready to come out of the oven… Oh damn, I was laughing so hard I put the embroidery in the oven, now where is that pie? ( I get so flustered when I read the word cunt)

  17. I object to this phrase.

    (because, well, you know what cunts are good at: making pie.)

    I have never once used my cunt to make a pie. It’s just not that agile.

    However, I do love this blog and can’t wait to read more. :)

  18. Pingback: Art Appreciation, Cunt-Style: Georgia O’Keeffe swears she didn’t paint vaginas, you guys. | Insatiable Booksluts

  19. You, my dear, win the Internet! Mitch, you win the “There’s No Hope For The Human Race Award.” Proud to be a misogynist? Really? Really?!

    Cunt week is, well, cuntastic! Have you read Inga Muscio’s “Cunt”? It’s divine.

    I posted about cunts myself a few months ago. Check it out if you have a minute. Off I go to catch up on the rest of Cunt Week!

    Cock-a-doodling and Cunts

    • Well, I guess if the only thing you have to be proud of in your life is how many Pringles you can smash in your mouth at once, and how trolly you are on the interwebz, misogyny seems like QUITE a coup.

      (Thank you!)

  20. So, bookcunts– I have a REALLY important question.
    If a cunt is attracted to other cunts, is her cunt still preoccupied with lacy curtains and pie?
    I ask as a lesbian cunt who wants to make sure I’m… you know… doing it right.

    But seriously this/you all are amazing. <3

    *disappears to read everything on this blog*

    • I would assume so! I mean, it would be way irresponsible for the mens to let us decide that for ourselves, even if we don’t sleep with them. (bats eyelashes prettily)

    • ALL CUNTS LOVE LACE AND PIE.

      Even lesbian cunts. I mean, they pretend they don’t, but it’s all a front for what they really love.

      Lace. And pie.

      (Hee! Thank you! YOU are amazing, too! Glad you’re here!)

    • Ha! Thank you. That’d be great, actually, because I would very much like to have a baby, but, you know, pain and mess and all. So why don’t you have it, right there on the internet, and then ship it on over? I think FedEx probably has some sort of shipping option for children, right?

      (Thank you!)

  21. Pingback: Cunts Need Music, Too. | Insatiable Booksluts

  22. My friend, Jeanne, sent me a link to this cunterific ho-down and I am crazy-happy at all the comments. You’d think that just because we are older cunts, we would automatically have dry senses of humor, but that’s just a stereotype. Older cunts can have senses of humor that are just as moist and supple as all the cherry pies we’ve been cranking out over the years. Way to go, Book Cunts!

    • This comment wins. Thank Jeanne for sending you our way! And we’re glad to have you here! We do not age-discriminate around these parts, cunt-wise; we respect our elders, as they have many years of cuntastic experience to bestow upon us!

  23. Probably the best comeback EVER! I had to bring my mom in on this one and we were rolling. When we clicked over from the email and saw the new header…well, it was time to head to the bathroom after almost pissing ourselves. Thanks for making my night…er morning!

    • I think I love your mom. And I also hope my grandmother isn’t reading this week, haha! (Mom’s okay though. She’s cool. Probably be a little O_O at the profanity but she’s cool.)

    • Thank you! I love that you have a cool mom. I didn’t even mention this week to my mom. She doesn’t approve of cussery. She’d be HORRIFIED.

  24. Wow! I followed the link here from twitter. Big thumbs up.

    After reading your absolutely awe-inspiring, rhetorical post, I want to give you a pat on the back for highlighting your stellar, writing abilities. I mean, the use of euphemisym after euphemisym for cunt/pie/box left me laughing out loud and hoping one day I can write something this cutting. It was too cool.

    I loved how you also pointed out the fact that this and all blogs are free, no contract, no promises and everyone can say whatever they want on them – including ranting about whatever.

    I’m sure your quandary has become obvious at this point, right?

    No need for me to point out how you basically spent a whole blog post insulting the hell out of some ignorant, uneducated fool who was posting his own idiotic rant (One insulting word by my count) on the internet. Nope you showed him: you can post a much longer, more entertaining, and more insulting rant that makes far more derogatory comments about him.

    Bravo! High fives all around. Gotta go retweet this shit. It’s too funny.

    • Yeaaaaaaahhh, this is an entertainment blog. The point of this post wasn’t to insult Mitchy, because we really just don’t CARE that much about Mitch; the point was to entertain the hell out of everyone else. He just provided the catalyst for us sitting around and having a lot of laughs (at his expense, yes . . . but if you show your ass in someone else’s blog space, you’re kind of asking for it, are you not?), which we then wanted to share.

      Good job on the passive-aggression though. Sometimes it really was hard to tell whether you were being genuine or sarcastic! (thumbs up)

    • *blink*

      *blink, blink*

      *raises hand*

      What’s a euphemisym?

      Surely you were being facetious with your typo? Something about, how we’re so stupid, we couldn’t even recognize our own…how’d you so pithily put it, “quandry,” that we wouldn’t notice you can’t spell euphemism?

      I mean, it couldn’t have been a mistake.

      You sure don’t seem like the kind of person that makes mistakes, Wendell.

      Something tells me, however, you do get a lot of enjoyment out of kicking puppies, snatching candy from small children, and using big (potentially misspelled) words to make others feel small, though.

      Hope that makes you feel good about yourself.

      Did all of your tens of Twitter followers just shit themselves with glee over how smart you are?

      I bet they did.

      Good for you, buddy. Just so, so good for you. Bra-fricking-vo, big boy. Pat yourself on the back. You sure as hell taught ME a lesson. I’ll be keeping MY mouth shut from now on, so I don’t accidentally get myself in any more QUANDRIES.

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