I appreciate you for being cruel; I’m burning bright thanks to your rejection fuel
It’s me, one of
The Insatiable Book Sluts The Cunts.
First, thank you so much for wishing us all the best. That’s so kind of you. You know, that personal touch really is lacking in modern society so often lately. Those small kindnesses mean so much.
Wanted to talk to you a little about this cunt situation.
I just checked, and I totally have one. Cool, right? So I guess I have to assume you were talking to me.
Oh, wait. You were using the word as a pejorative. You were using a slang word for my lady-bits as an insult.
Huh. Well, that’s creative. Way to think outside the box. (Pun/euphemism most definitely intended with the use of the word “box.”)
Now, I know it’s going to shock you a little, as I’m a Cunt and all, but I also have a brain. I know most Cunts don’t, as the having of vaginas precludes the use of our brain-areas. We’re much too busy thinking of lady-thoughts, like cooking. Baby-making. Pretty things like cross-stitch and crochet and scrapbooking. I’m not saying I DON’T think of those things (I mean, it’s my pesky double-X chromosomes, how can I not?) but I can ALSO think of OTHER things. I’m multitasky as shit.
I think you thought calling us The Cunts would shock us. Upset us. Make us weepy, probably; ladies do weep. Also quail. And collapse on fainting-couches.
Thing is – it didn’t.
Honestly, it didn’t even piss me off that much. Mostly, it just made me roll my eyes, and find you sad. Sad and lonely and, let’s face it, grammatically suspect. “It seems like a read more blog post” – listen, maybe just give things a quick eyeball before you hit publish? That’s kind of word-salad, right there, Mitcharoonie.
Mostly why it didn’t bother me is this:
I totally own my cuntiness. We all do over here. Look, here it is in handy pie-chart form (because, well, you know what cunts are good at: making pie.)
So, listen. This Cunt situation. Well, you seem to think it’s bad, that we post rants over here. That it’s not what we’re supposed to do. That we’re supposed to only post reviews; that we maybe signed some sort of contract saying we would, and now we’re going back on the terms of said contract.
Nope. We’re all honey badger doing-what-we-want over here. We can do that. No contracts were signed. No promises were made.
Also, people seem to like our rants. We get a lot of reads on those days. Here, I used my big old brain to make you a sciency/mathy graph.
So, listen, Mitch. I’m going to give you some pointers on how to be a good human. What’s that? You didn’t ask for pointers? Well, I didn’t ask to be called a cunt in the comment section of my blog, but, you know, I roll with the punches.
- Take some deep breaths and stop being so angry.
- Don’t use “cunt” as an insult. Because it isn’t one. Until you use it as one.
- If you don’t like what’s being published for FREE on the INTERNET, don’t read it.
- Spell- and grammar-check your posts unless your intention is to look like an uneducated rube who hates women. (WAS that your intention?)
I have to assume (you know us cunts; we assume all over the place, we just can’t help ourselves – we get such a reputation that way, you know?) that, based on your utter butt-hurt comment and how it’s geared toward our most author-oriented rants, you’re an author yourself. I look forward to you ignoring our submission guidelines and submitting your premiere novel, Vampiers Verses Wearwolfs, to us very soon.
Also, I get that you used cunt for maximum OMG shock-and-awe value, but may I suggest twat? It’s got the added cachet of being a British cuss, and as one of my nearest and dearest told me, it just feels good in one’s mouth.
(Sorry to be blunt, Mitch, but I’m guessing the nearest you’ve come to either cunt OR twat in quite some time is on this blog, so I feel I’ll have to explain this to you: the mouth comment up there? Totally a euphemism. For cunnilingus. YOU’RE WELCOME, MITCH.)
So, as a proud member of The Cunts, I’ll leave you with this last thought, Mitch, my dear:
All the best, Mitch. Every last bit of it. From both me, and my cunt.