Art Appreciation, Cunt-Style: Georgia O’Keeffe swears she didn’t paint vaginas, you guys.
Editor’s note: Some people have taken me to task about this article because they think I’m literally reducing O’Keeffe’s work to vulvas. … No? It’s not literal. It’s not my literal interpretation of her work. It’s humor.
To continue our celebration about cunts, I wanted to write about Georgia O’Keeffe, famous painter of cunts. However, I hit a little snag . . .
Feminists have been celebrating the work of Georgia O’Keeffe for decades because of her use of evocative feminine imagery. Many hail her as the “originator of female iconography;” artist Judy Chicago gave O’Keeffe the last, and tallest, place setting in her work The Dinner Party, which celebrates females that Chicago feels were not given their proper due. (There are lots of vaginas in her work, for suresies.) Chicks are mostly pretty stoked that Ms. O’Keeffe had the ovaries to lay it all down on canvas for the world to see–except, there’s one teeny, tiny problem.
Georgia O’Keeffe was only painting flowers, you see. Extreme close-ups of flowers. She never meant for them to be interpreted as vaginal imagery at all, and refused to cooperate with any namby-pamby* “women’s liberation” or “feminist” stuff that claimed she did.
HOW DID WE GET THIS SO WRONG? Have we really been interpreting her art this poorly for nearly a century? Shit. I guess we better have a look.
Look, Georgia. (Can I call you Georgia? Wait, you’re dead–you wouldn’t know if I called you Twatty McCuntress. But let’s stick with Georgia. I don’t want to be rude to a great artist.) I’m not trying to say that you didn’t TOTALLY THINK you were painting flowers. But like, okay–here’s the thing about flowers? Flowers are like . . . mostly vagina. It’s true: flowers are primarily made up of sex organs and things that surround the sex organs. In fact, they have both male and female sex organs, which ups the kinkiness factor a tad.
So, the ovary is nestled down inside, and then there’s a long tube (kinda like a Fallopian tube, no?) that goes to the ovary, and then it’s surrounded by petals. The petals are kind of like . . . well . . . the vagina of the flower. And those little stems that make the pollen are the penises. You know that time of year when everything is blooming and the trees have flowers all over them and
your eyes are all red and they won’t stop watering and you sneeze like a billion times a day everything is so pretty? Those trees are gettin’ DOWN, son. Cross-pollinatin’ and shit. We are talking KINKY. PLANT. SEXYTIMES. unf unf unf.
So, G-dawg, I don’t want to burst your bubble or anything, but you kind of were painting vaginas all that time. I know that sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, but a flower is pretty much always a cunt.
What do you guys think? Flower or vagina? LEAVE YOUR ART COMMENTS BELOW (but keep your kinky plant sex to yourself. . . . oh, just kidding, we love kinky plant sex).
*GO’K never used the term “namby-pamby” about feminism, as far as I know.