Reading Rage: Don’t Fucking Tell Me I’m Not Allowed to be Angry

17 May 2016 by 18 Comments
girls girls girls graphic

This is a rough post to write, but it’s one of those situations where the words and ideas are rattling around in my head and I have to put fingers to keys to get them out before they consume me entirely.

I had plans of talking about how angry and hurt I was at the possibility of Roc Upchurch returning to Rat Queens (nvm that I was about to drop the book anyway because I couldn’t get into Tess Fowler’s art), but I’m waiting to find out what’s actually going on before losing my shit entirely (my thoughts on separating art from artist are well known, so it’s easy enough for me to gaze wistfully at my current deluxe edition of Rat Queens while I quietly mourn my inability to read it).

No, what’s really bugging the fuck out of me right now are the fans (predominantly male, though not entirely) who think that the “Tumblrinas” and “SJWs” are just making much ado about nothing. Because beating the shit out of your wife when you’ve had a bad day (or even a series of them) is okay and something that should be forgiven and forgotten if you’re a creator, I guess?  Idk.

Roc made mistakes

 

He “made some mistakes.”  So my ethical concerns are not valid criticism?  So it’s cool to attempt to shut me up or dismiss my points just so they can keep reading?  So they can bury their heads in the sand or stick their fingers in their ears like petulant toddlers and ignore what I have to say or try to flip it around like I’m the one with the problem?

eddie-izzard-la-la-la

It is a fucking fact that women are more often the victims of domestic violence (I’m not saying it doesn’t happen to men, as well, but that’s not where I’m going with this), so this type of news typically hits us pretty hard.  These dudes, on the other hand, probably never worry about being on the receiving end of a “mistake.” They should be glad it’s not something they have to grow up worrying about and fearing but also realize that means they may not intuitively understand just how big a deal this is. They’re in a position where they CAN be belittling and dismissive, because this isn’t a situation they have to take seriously.

This all speaks to the difficulty of being Woman Who Digs Comics (totally a proper noun cos it’s like a title, yo).  I got into this HUUUUUUUUUUUUGE internet fight last year cos some dumb douchebalrog on this comics forum I belong to made a ranty post about how slutty cosplayers are ruining cons and comics in general.

Um, wat?

And when I tried to talk about it from my perspective (that of Woman Who Digs Comics), I got shouted down by all the dudes who have been card carrying members of the Comics Boys’ Club their entire lives.  Because I don’t get how hard they had it as a kid, being a nerd.  Because I’m a girl and therefore can’t understand what it’s like to be marginalized as a geek.

you-dont-even-know

Let me tell you about the countless times I’ve walked into a comic shop and been asked if I needed help finding something for my brother/boyfriend/dad/friend, because I couldn’t possibly fucking be there for myself.

Let me tell you about how I so desperately wanted friends that were into the same things I was that I hung out with a larger group of guys and never called them out on their gross, rapey comments or misogynistic behaviour.  That one of these guys was my first fucking kiss, and it was actually assault where he pinned me to a wall after I said “no” repeatedly, but never told anyone because doing so would mean that I would suddenly find myself without friends. So I had to be extra vigilant for years to never let myself be alone with him for fear that the same thing (or worse) would happen again. Not only that, but I was supposed to be HAPPY that he felt entitled to me and my body because I was that geeky girl that “no one else wanted.”

Let me tell you about how when I detailed all of this shit to my husband last year, he told me that these guys were still acting out cos they were pissed that I was a stand-in for the nerdgirls who wouldn’t fuck them in high school, even though HIGH SCHOOL WAS MORE THAN TWENTY YEARS AGO and when I called one of them out on it, he admitted that was the truth.

Let me tell you the story of how I can’t fucking wear a tee shirt or pin of something I love (and this shit can be backed up by nearly every Woman Who Digs Comics) without being fucking questioned on just how big a fan I am.  It can’t be all “ZOMFG, YOU LOVE THE THING! I ALSO LOVE THE THING, LET’S BE BESTIES!”  No.  First, we have to answer every fucking question in the godsdamned world about said AWESOME THING and then we STILL fucking get the “So…your boyfriend got you into this?” queries, because WE CAN’T POSSIBLY DECIDE WHAT WE LIKE WITHOUT YOUR INFINITELY SUPERIOR MANBRAINS TELLING US ABOUT IT.

feminist rants

Let me tell you the sorrows of my fellow Women Who Dig Comics, and then you can get back to me on why we’re not allowed to be pissed that we FINALLY have a story for those of us who are more into swords and magic than superheroes but now it’s fucking ruined: ruined by the first artist being an abusive asshole, then by the most recent artist suffering from an incurable case of not-getting-it-itis and now even further ruined by you telling me I need to get the fuck over it and myself.

I’m allowed to be angry.  I’m allowed to be fucking enraged about a situation that DIRECTLY TOUCHES on MY LIFE and MY EXPERIENCES and the experiences of TOO MANY OTHER geeky women to fucking count. I am ALLOWED to make my purchase decisions based on that anger.  If you are seriously that lacking in basic humanity that you can be annoyed by the fact that women have a hard time giving their money to a man who beats his fucking wife…guess what?  Tumblrinas aren’t the problem. SJWs are not the problem. I’m not the problem.  YOU are the fucking problem.

Fuck off.

 

sj

sj (never SJ) hates everything. Except books and music. Sometimes she hates those too. Ask her about drinkalongs.

18 thoughts on “Reading Rage: Don’t Fucking Tell Me I’m Not Allowed to be Angry

  1. Amen. Also, I am never going to play 20 questions or ANY questions to “prove” my fandom. Don’t believe that I’m a “real fan”? Don’t care, now fuck the fuck off.

    • I totally thought of your sister and my other cosplayer friends during the “slutty cosplayer” fight.

      Yes, I spent countless hours getting every single fucking detail exactly right, but go ahead and question my cred.

  2. Thank you for this. Also: like no girl was ever fucking bullied for being a nerd in elementary school? Have they MET tween girls? The same fucking girls who were denying them everything they were told they were owed were also denying their female peers basic human decency as well. Why is this difficult to understand?

    • I totally brought that up and was told that it wasn’t the same because girls don’t bully with their fists.

      Um. Okay.

      • Girls don’t bully with their fists? The self-pitying narcissism necessary to be able to make such a statement is stomach churning. It both shows me that they didn’t notice what actually happens outside their purview and don’t realize just how harmful verbal and emotional abuse are.

  3. *standing ovation*

    So wait, guys who are aaaaaallllllll pissy about the Ghostbusters reboot are allowed to rant and scream and “vote with their dollars” over their “ruined childhood”, but when it comes to something of actual MORAL CONSEQUENCE, we’re supposed to sit down and shut up. I. Don’t. Think. So.

    I came to geekdom later — I didn’t suffer some of the same things you all did, not the same way. I was a nerd. A bookish weird kid on the Scholastic Bowl team, with a weird sense of style and little social tact. Oh no, girls don’t bully with their fists… they’re worse.

    • “So wait, guys who are aaaaaallllllll pissy about the Ghostbusters reboot are allowed to rant and scream and “vote with their dollars” over their “ruined childhood”, but when it comes to something of actual MORAL CONSEQUENCE, we’re supposed to sit down and shut up. I. Don’t. Think. So.”. YAAAASSSSSS

  4. UGH. Speaking as a nerdgirl who dealt with this as a kid and as a grown-ass woman who deals with it EVERY DAY because I work in an intensely conservative, male-dominated field (classic autos, for those of you wondering)….PREACH IT.

    I get my cred questioned every time I turn around. Do you know enough about The Thing. How dare you not know this tiny trivia fact about an obscure branch of The Thing (which is a sprawling complex when you’re talking, oh, Marvel or Chevrolet, take your pick).

    And then to be told that I shouldn’t be upset at being grilled, should just take what’s offered me and be happy, let alone that I can’t vote with my wallet over something like this?

    Piss off.

    • I really, really, REALLY hate having my fan-status called into question.

      When I was 18 and semi-new to AOL, I had a whole bunch of bands, books and movies that I liked on my profile, and was CONSTANTLY grilled about Star Wars. Like, guys would IM me to ask if I was really a fan and could name Leia’s home planet. Even then I was all “AYFKM?!”

      And this was 20 years ago, but nothing has changed. I’m still fighting to feel like I belong in these places.

  5. Preach it sj. I totally respect your opinion on this, and you have every right to hold it. It’s so frustrating that people expect to be able to change others’ opinions and beliefs about things because somehow it affects them at all. -_-

    I’ve been lucky to avoid most of the people who act like that when it comes to nerddom/fandom, etc. and it frustrates me that people are so concerned with “THERE MUST BE NO FRAUDS” in fandom. If you like something, you’re a fan! Whether you’re new to it and really like it or have an encyclopedia of information about it in your brain, still a fan.

    • It sucks that you can’t just say “Hey, I like the thing,” without having to be the HUGEST FAN EVER. It’s like there’s no room for anyone on the spectrum between LIVESANDBREATHESTHETHING and FILTHYCASUAL.

  6. Pingback: Loose-leaf Links #22 | Earl Grey Editing

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